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Deja Vu

January 21, 2013

4189_1358156214When I first started this waaaay back when, I was the most out of shape guy on the treadmill. I was surrounded by all different types of people – Old, young… men, women… great shape, out of shape… it was a smorgasbord.  But, no matter how you sliced it, I was the biggest.  At first that hung me up.  I got REAL self-conscious about it too… I started running outside more, avoiding the gym as much as I could.  I tried to get people to meet me at the gym so I wouldn’t be alone.

Typical anxiety, but it crippled me – until I realized no one cared.

I realized that everyone is so focused on their insecurities that they could honestly care less about mine.  That this whole situation was more of my OWN issues than anybody else’s.

HellTrain1280Well, a funny thing happened on the way to strength training last week… IT ALL CAME BACK LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN FROM HELL.

I’ve made no secret about the fact that I’m not the strongest guy in the world. I was sedentary for YEARS and then, when I started running… I ran. I didn’t lift weights.  I didn’t do squats.  I ran.  I mean, I got SOMETHING but, in my opinion, not what you’d expect from a guy of my stature.  So, when I was selected for Project Transformation, I knew what I wanted my focus to be on – STRENGTH TRAINING.  I mean, have you SEEN Ryan Hughes?  If I’m gonna learn how to do it and do it right, he’s the dude to learn it from.

(Oh, and ladies… you’re welcome for the links.)

Day 1 of weight training?  Not an issue – it was Legs.  And, of everything I’m self-conscious about, my leg strength isn’t one of them. So no worries here.  I busted them out and felt good.  Friday?  That was shoulders and arms.  And I was anxious about it ALL DAY.  I was meeting Joe, so at least I was gonna be doing it WITH someone, but all that anxiety I had when I first started running on the treadmill came roaring back.

staringWhy?  Because this situation was DIFFERENT – this was ALL guys, all at various levels of ‘great shape’ (including Joe)… and me.  Still overweight, and not very strong.  I fought through it, but it was tough.  I felt like everyone was watching us, because I was so far behind them.  It was REALLY tough for me – couldn’t leave the gym fast enough.

So… CAN YOU SEE HOW RIDICULOUS I AM?!?!

That didn’t happen.  I mean, I THOUGHT it happened… but it didn’t.  I bet Joe’s reading this right now and like ‘Bro, are you serious?’ because I, like MANY people, create these absolutely crazy scenarios in my head.  But, in going back and reading my old posts about situations just like this (and yes, I go back and read my old posts :)…) it helped me remember that no matter what I’M THERE.  I’m working my ass off to make myself better – just like every single one of those ‘in shape’ people around me.  It doesn’t matter how much I can lift, it matters that I’m lifting.  That’s a tough pill to swallow sometimes but, once you do, it makes things a HELL of a lot easier.

So Monday I’ve got Chest/ Arms… and I’ll probably still be a little “Ahhhhhhmrmphhrmphgrrarrgghhh…” about it.  But you know what?  It’s all about framing it the right way in your mind.  So I’m just gonna go in there and own it, because I know I’m there for the exact same reasons EVERYONE in the gym is there – to make themselves look and feel AWESOME.

Monday is also the ‘official’ start for me for Project Transformation – I kinda started last Wednesday, but I had to get some things aligned with diet, training, supplements, etc… so when you read this, know that I’m probably enjoying my 1/2 cup of Oats, half of a sweet potato or my post-workout banana… and I’ll have more to come about THAT stuff in a future post I can promise you that.

In the meantime, have a great week!  Oh, and if you’re doing the Blubber To Runner Beat The Winter Blues Virtual 10K – let me know how you’re doing!!!

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