Blubber To Runner

A lot of people have been asking about this stuff… so I’ll just get it all out in a blog post so you kinda know what’s goin’ on the first month of 2012:

January 1st, 2012 – 30th ANNUAL HANGOVER 5K RUN – Tamaques Park, Westfield NJ; so we’ve got a bunch of peeps doing this race and according to the organizers it’s the biggest sign-up they have ever had.  Which is good for all of those people because with me in it they know they won’t finish last!  (I’m KIDDING… kinda)  If you’re interested in joining us, here’s the info to do so ($30 and you can register day of!)  Oh, and it’s at noon, so plenty of time to recover/ sleep in after New Years Eve Shenanigans!

Starting January 1st, 2012 – ??? – INAUGURAL I ❤ TO RUN RUNNING STREAK; Here’s all the info you need, but to paraphrase this is the deal: Starting on the 1st, I’m gonna run a mile a day.  That’s it.  Every single day, I just have to run 1 mile – and I’m gonna track it.  La Diabla is gonna do it with me.  You should too!  All you have to do is make sure you do it every day, rain or shine.  My goal is to do A LOT more than a mile/ day, but no matter what happens I’m going to complete that mile.

January 9th, 2012 – I am going BACK on the airwaves with my new weekly radio show/ podcast – NO FILTER RADIO.  It’s my passion – I can’t give it up – and I am going to be doing this show with some voices you are very familiar with from earlier shows I participated in:

Chris Culosi – the creator of, and my hilarious co-host with, the ChokeOnFunny comedy empire
Mark Lindamood – the witty, engaging co-host of The Mark and Benji Show
Benji Harris – the… uhhh… hmmm… the… well… the other dude on The Mark and Benji Show

It’s pretty simple – we’re gonna say the things you wanna say (but can’t) about the topics you wanna talk about (but won’t.)  We can’t wait to get this going for you guys – it will be live Monday nights at 9p EST, and the podcast will be available shortly afterwards.  ‘Like’ the FB page HERE and follow us on Twitter HERE.

Sunday, January 29th, 2012 – MSP POLAR BEAR PLUNGE: Yup… back to the ol’ philanthropic ways!  The Frozen Pineapple Avengers have been put together for this great cause.  Organized by the Maryland State Police and benefitting the Maryland Special Olympics, I’m jumping into the Chesapeake with a few of my friends.  You can donate to the cause on my behalf HERE and I’ll make sure to get nice and cold for you.

“Wait… Gach, you’re gonna be in Maryland on the 29th… does that mean you’re gonna be in VA that weekend???”

Well, now that you mention it…

Saturday, January 28th, 2012 – SEX PANTHER SATURDAY, Fast Eddie’s Fairfax: Yeah, I’ll be there.  No big hoop-la or fanfare… I’m just gonna be in town and that’s the perfect place to hopefully see everyone and catch up with y’all face-to-face.  So, if anyone’s bored that night I’d love to see ya!  🙂

I think that’s it…  I hope to see some friendly faces out and about in Jersey – and Virginia – this month! Oh, and thanks in advance for your Polar Plunge donations (Jedi Mind Trick)  🙂

First of all, let me just say that I hope every one of you reading this had an amazing holiday – be it Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.  My holiday was fabulous – I am typing this on my new MacBook Pro, my goddaughter got me my all-time favorite candy (Candy Cane Tootsie Pops) and, last but certainly not least… I roasted chestnuts on an open fire with my best friends – and sang the song while we did it.  I hope you all had some memorable moments as well!

That being said, it’s ‘that time of the year’… New Years.  The time when everyone decides to make life-changes and does everything they can to keep them – through January.  🙂  I am no different… I looked back at what I wanted to do and needless to say I didn’t accomplish them all.  So I’m changing it up this year.  No resolutions.  This year, I’ve decided to adopt three philosophies – or mantras – that I will choose to follow throughout this year and, if I do, the things that I want to do will come naturally.

As long as I stick with them.  🙂

Mantra #1: BOOTS TO ASSES – I’ve talked enough about this previously… but now it’s even on the back of my Team Immediates Hangover Run T-shirt which will be debuted on New Years Day at the race!  🙂

Mantra #2: JUST SHOW UP – I can’t even tell you how hard this one is for me.  Once I get to the gym/ park/ etc. I’m OK… it’s just so damn easy to stay in bed, stay on the couch, eat seconds… I need to force myself every day to ‘just show up’.  I’m hoping as the days go on and the weight loss continues, just showing up will become much easier.  But for now, I wake up every single day telling myself to ‘just show up’… now I just need to actually do it.

Mantra #3: I’M GONNA SUCK LESS TODAY THAN I DID YESTERDAY – Now before you guys get on the ‘don’t be so negative!’ train, lemme explain.  A few weeks ago, I did my 1st CrossFit themed workout.  I won’t call it an actual CrossFit workout because I don’t want to disrespect my CrossFit friends, but I worked my ass off doing a tabata/ amrap mixer and felt it for 3 days.  Well, when I got done all I could muster up the energy to say was ‘man, I suck.’ to which my friend Laz looked at me dead serious and said ‘hey, just think of it this way – today you sucked less than you did yesterday.’  And it makes a ton of sense – every day, I am going to try to do just a little more so that I’m better than I was the day before.  Each day I’m gonna suck less than I did yesterday.

Don’t get me wrong… there’s other things I wanna do – run at least 1 mile every single day, a 1/2 marathon (and hopefully a full marathon), lose 100 pounds, run a race in my Five Fingers – but I’m not gonna put the pressure on myself and make it like I HAVE to do those things in 2012 in order to be fulfilled.  Nope, I’m just gonna live each day the best I can and, if I follow those 3 simple rules, all the rest of that stuff will fall into place.

So to each of you… Happy New Year!  Thank you so much for reading, supporting, offering me advice, etc.  I hope you all have the best year ever – and suck less today than you did yesterday.  🙂

So… 1 of the biggest questions I get from people is the following:

“You’re so positive!”

Well, someone said that to me again the other day and it kinda hit me – I honestly wonder if people really know what this has been like?  I mean, I love doing this blog.  Apparently people find it very entertaining (or they’re just lying to me to make me feel good, which I will also gladly take).  I try to make it fun and light-hearted, but at the same time cover some real topics I deal with, society deals with or – just maybe – you also deal with so that you know you’re not alone.  But, I caught myself thinking ‘do people really know what this is like?  Am I kinda leading them on by making this sound fun and jovial?’  Well… I’m done wondering, because I’m gonna tell you.

THIS SUCKS.

The last thing I want anyone to think is that I’m just enjoying the hell outta eating salad, spending my nights at a gym instead of out partying w/ my friends or tracking points at the restaurant with my cell phone.

WHAT I AM DOING SUCKS.

 I wake up every morning dreading the fact I have to get dressed and try to find something to wear that doesn’t make me look TOO embarrassing in public.  I have to see what others eat and enjoy – that I too want to eat and enjoy but cant because I need to be smarter about:

a)  what I’m eating,
b)  how much I’m eating, or
c)  saving my points for another meal/ outing that I’m expecting I may need them for.

I have physical limitations because of my size (it’s tiring carrying my mother – the weight equivalent of how much I have to lose – around all day.)  Hell, I have MENTAL limitations because of my size… the anxiety I cause myself just wondering about what people think when they see me has kept me up at night – and that’s not an exaggeration.  I curse at my trainer for being such an asshole.  Sometimes that’s my best friend (and sometimes it’s a dude on a TV screen.)

WHAT I AM DOING SUCKS… 

But it’s necessary!

See – this is where it all comes together for me.  There’s nothing fun and exciting about me running my chubby self around in the freezing cold on New Year’s Day in a 5K (except that a bunch of my friends are also doing it that is.)  It is going to be a real challenge… but it’s necessary.  Nothing awesome about taking my first CrossFit class at over 300 pounds… but it’s necessary!  There’s definitely nothing fun about weekly weigh-ins… but, again, it’s necessary!

IT’S ALL NECESSARY.

It’s necessary because there’s absolutely NOTHING healthy about being overweight.  There’s NOTHING physically appealing to people of the opposite sex when you’re unhealthy looking (and, to be honest, people deserve to have someone that cares about themselves care the same way about them).  There’s NOTHING healthy about trying to look at a young child – be it your own, a family member, a friends child, etc. – and try to explain why you’re so big.

And lastly, it’s necessary because I owe it to myself to be the best me I can be.  Yeah I know – that’s pretty freakin’ corny.  But it’s true… I deserve better than what I’ve done to myself for the last decade.  And I have no excuses since, well, I’m the only one that’s in my way.

Can’t believe I found a pic of a shit sundae…

So just know… if you read this and wonder at all what it’s like – it’s a huge pile of suck on top of a shit sundae… that I take and put sprinkles and chocolate sauce with a cherry on top to make it funny, entertaining and enjoyable for everyone!  But don’t mistake that as this being an easy journey whatsoever.  I’m no different than any one of you that either are doing this or think you can’t do this… Because for me, and all the people I know or have met during this journey – it’s not!

It’s, without a doubt, a ‘what you make of it’ situation… and this is what I do – and how I choose to do it.

*The title, for full effect, should be sung in the style of Chris Farley*

So, now that I’m home, my friends and I (Team Immediates, or TI for short) have been working out a lot together trying to get ourselves into shape for not only the Hangover Run on New Years Day, but also for a 1/2 marathon in April.  It’s really been great, because we all belong to the same gym (Retro Fitness) which allows you to work out at any location with their basic membership.  Since we all, for the most part, use different locations as our ‘home’ gym, we often travel to each others gyms so we can partner up.

Well, thank GOD for that because, when they don’t go to the gym with me, my anxiety goes through the roof.  Look, it’s one thing to go pretty much anywhere else and be heavy… but, to be the biggest dude at the gym is a WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL of discomfort.

At the gym, people stare at two types of members – the hot ones and the overweight ones.  One is because of the ultra-sexiness they possess while working out… and the other is because they’re hot.

*rimshot!*
*cymbal crash!*

🙂

But seriously, people ALWAYS look at the guys like me because they wanna see what the hell is going on when they try to work out… the pain after running only 5 minutes, the anguish in lifting 1/3rd of what they can… and they laugh with their spotter over my struggles.

Well, the other night my ‘trainer’… we’ll call him Todd… took it to a new level of crazy.

He pulled out an exercise ball.

Yeah, one of those.  And then he told me to get on it to do an exercise.  Seriously, I can’t make this up.  Todd’s way more knowledgeable on these types of things, as well as my best friend, and he took a lot of time to research the types of things myself – and TI – could do to get us in the best shape possible for these upcoming races.  So I went along with him and gave it a shot.

 In my head I looked like this ——————->

When in actuality it resembled this ————->

 But that’s OK… I did the 1st rep of that exercise like a Champ!

And then I lost my balance and rolled right off the ball… in the middle of the gym… and right on my ass.

First thing I do?  Look around to see all the “10’s” laughing at me for what just happened.  Then, to see all the gorilla juiceheads rolling on the floor hysterical because I just made a fool of myself.  And finally, the employees – the epitome of perfect health – just shaking their heads and counting the money I pay them each month in membership fees.

But therein lies the rub… that never happened.

In fact, none of that shit happens at the gym.  EVER.  No one cares one willy about me when I’m working out.  They’re too hung up on working out THEIR imperfections that THEY perceive when THEY look at themselves in the mirror.  Sure, are mine more obvious than many other peoples?  YES… absolutely.  I get that.  But what I always forget is that they are there for, essentially, the same reason – they wanna look better.

They want bigger muscles… they want tighter abs… they want better race times… they want stronger calves.  Whatever it is, they’re working at making themselves better in areas they view as needing improvement… which is exactly what I’m doing too.

So, what ever happened with the exercise ball?  I put myself back on it and did 9 more reps of the given exercise… which is when Todd remarked ‘Eh… that’s not much of an exercise’ and promptly scribbled it off of his TI Workout Plan that he drew up.  Sooooo, no more exercise ball – for now.  As for the other 16 exercises that are part of his ’90 Minutes Of Pain’?  I’ll keep you posted on how those go.

For now, I’m off for a light run… because even on my off days I gotta put Boots To Asses.