For years, people have told me I need to be more open about my personal life and, to be specific, the relationships I have. I am an extremely private person when it comes to matters of the heart… I believe that, as long as the parties involved in the relationship know how they feel about each other, the rest of the people in my life (and, in turn, what they think and feel) simply don’t matter.
Well, I am going to change that with this blog entry… in a very public way… and tell you about the most recent failure I have had in my personal life. This will not be easy for me but, I think, in order to learn from this experience the story must be shared – and this needs to be the venue I share it in.
It started out just like every other amazingly perfect relationship; spending a lot of time together, getting the most out of that time and all the while looking forward to the next time. I couldn’t have been happier – I had a smile on my face from morning to night… to the point that everyone saw how happy it made me. It was the type of relationship that made me a better person in all aspects of my life. My friends saw less and less of me – I mean, we spent so much time together I barely had time… and every time I did see my family and friends I was like a completely different person. I was SO happy. We moved forward really fast… very much out of the norm for me, but I knew this relationship was right for me and I jumped in feet first.
But, just as things were going so well, something happened. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what it was or when it was, but I can’t. Tension… avoiding each other… making excuses not to spend time together… just flat-out ignoring each other even. The change was quick and stunning. My friends noticed for sure (even if they didn’t say anything) because they started seeing a lot more of me – and we all know what that means. There was an animosity between the two of us that I can only explain as disgusting. It literally fell apart. Even today as I write this I can’t explain exactly what happened or why it did – I just know that it did.
However… I truly believe that you fight for something you believe in. You simply can’t give up on it if you can say honestly that this is the right thing for you. And I believe that this relationship is.
Deep in my heart… I believe more than anything that Running is right for me.
I have treated my relationship with Running so terribly over the past few months. I hate it, and I don’t want to. I want to get back to loving it again like I used to last year. We had so many great memories together – the holiday 5K’s, the W&OD trail… it was fantastic. And, to be completely honest, I treated this relationship so poorly that I surely don’t deserve a second chance – let alone a third, fourth and fifth.
However, I am truly lucky that Running is so forgiving. I keep leaving, then coming back… and Running doesn’t judge me for it. Although we start off a little slower than the last time we were together, it still takes me back with open arms.
We recently just spent a week at the beach together with my family. We spent several mornings near the water watching the sun rise (along with my brother… can you say 3rd wheel?!?!). Running and I have been so on and off these last few months that I was thankful for the opportunity to reconnect – and I hope this roller-coaster of a relationship finally hits the smooth sailing I’m looking for.
Look – every good relationship requires a commitment to each other that you’re willing to put in the work – good and bad – in order to make it successful. I’ve clearly been the guilty party in this relationship and I know that I am the one that needs to put in the work. The trip was a great start, but now the real work comes in… being home, in my comfort zone, where its easy to make excuses and avoid the situation. As of the writing of this post it’s only been a few days home, but we’re still on the right path spending more time together, strengthening our relationship every day and hopefully getting back to where we were last year.
Running keeps giving me chances, no matter how hard I screw around or how badly I disrespect it. I’m thankful I keep getting them – and, hopefully, I won’t be needing any more.
Wish us luck! 🙂
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Blubber To Runner 