Blubber To Runner

I am, apparently, the WORST human being in the world when it comes to compliments.  I have absolutely NO idea how to react when people say something nice about me (or so I was recently told.)  I blame my friends.  I blame them because I feel like every time they say anything nice to me, it’s simply to set up the inevitable zinger that’s bound to be coming ANY minute now.

I need new friends.

OK I’m kidding… maybe.  No seriously – I’m joking about the ‘new friends’ thing.  But what I’m not joking about is being TERRIBLE at accepting a compliment.  In every aspect of my life I’m this way.  If I do something at work worthy of a compliment I deflect (I mean, I think I think I deflect… trying to remember that far back) and then thank the people that may have helped me in some way.  When my parents say something nice I know it’s because they have to say it… after all, they can’t have disappointing terrible children!

The only time that I can actually say ‘thanks’ when someone compliments me is when I sing.  Wait – I take that back.  No one compliments my ‘singing’ either – nor should they… it’s terrifying.  It’s more of the rapping thing.  Seeing a fat white dude bust out ‘How Low’ by Ludacris gives everyone in the bar that Ringling Bros. feel and just gets everyone excited for the bearded lady (seen at Mista Fingaz’s Friday and/ or Saturday night shows) and the lion-tamer to follow.  I don’t know how or why I was blessed with the ability to rap like Busta Rhymes or Twista but, for drunk people at a bar, seeing a chubby Caucasian do it is thoroughly entertaining.

And what am I if not entertaining.

The real issue I have is with the compliments on my weight loss/ working out/ progress.  People think I’m nuts when I say this, but I don’t think I deserve them.  I made myself this way… It’s my fault I was 170 pounds overweight… I’m the reason I was morbidly obese.  For doing something I should have been doing my entire life (ie: being healthy and taking care of myself) I kinda feel like I’m cheating everyone out of compliments they should be giving to other people that may really deserve them.

And it’s totally a double-edged sword for me, because I LOVE hearing them!  So it’s kinda like “What do I do?”; I feel pompous when I have to say “Well, thank you for noticing” or something similar but, on the flip side, I learned in the past few days it’s the fuel that keeps me going.

Lemme explain – I’ve had an absolutely terrible two week stretch when it comes to my diet, weight loss and working out.  I let something get into my head that REALLY messed w/ me, worse than anything else sin a very, VERY long time.  It was crazy… and borderline laughable (the select few that know are reading this and saying “uhhhhh, YEEAAAHHHHH… Freak!”)  In some ways, my concern – and fear – was justified.  But I did what I always do – I made it WAY more than it should have been.  And it crippled me.

Then, the other day, I got a completely unsolicited message from an old friend that has WAY more important things on their plate than messaging me.  It was short and simple:

“Amazing how hard you are working and the will power you have…you are an inspiration. Just wanted to let you know I’m cheering for you and wish you the best!”

… and then I realized how much of a hot mess I’ve been the last few weeks.  And I was disappointed in myself; disappointed in the fact that I let myself fall off like I did and disappointed that, in an odd way, I’m kinda letting people down who really want this for me – lately, it seems, more than I wanted it for myself.

But… it completely snapped out of my funk – like instantly.  I can’t let these things mess with me like I did.  I need to remember my family, friends, my godchildren… and remember that above all I need to remember caring about ME.

So, even though it may not seem like I appreciate the compliments because of my awkward looks/ answers/ responses, just know that couldn’t be farther from the truth.  I love knowing you are all reading, giving a shit, paying attention, being motivated, laughing… whatever it is that I’m doing, I’m glad I’m doing it.

So thanks… *virtual group hug*…. *virtual ‘Kumbaya’ sing-along*…and have a great week!

“Last words… It’s a lotta pressure, kids.  It really gets you thinkin’.”

So… I had this whole idea of the blog I wanted to write this week, and I sit down and throw on ‘How I Met Your Mother’ for background noise to start putting thoughts to blogpost.  I don’t watch the show… I’ve maybe seen 5 episodes in my life.  But, based on my other options (The Bachelor and Chuck), HIMYM was clearly the best choice.  It’s funny enough… and I could use a laugh.  What I didn’t expect was to get my next blog out of it.

The episode before this one had one of the main characters father’s die, very unexpectedly from what I understand (I saw all the FB posts talking about the shock lol!)  So, the question/ topic that was posed on this episode (the funeral) was “What are the last words your father said to you?”  So I did what each of the characters did – right now, what are the last words I said to my Dad, and how would I feel about that being the last conversation I ever had with my father.  And to be honest?  I have NO idea.  I don’t think me and Dad have talked since Friday.

That’s not an uncommon thing – I generally speak to Mom when I call the house.  We even have this running joke that, after a few minutes of talking to Mom, one of us will make a comment to the effect of “I’m doing OK too, you know, in case anyone wants to know…”  Plus, they are on vacation… in Florida… with my Moms new iPad… you know, the gadget I wanted for Christmas… that I don’t have… but she does…. but I digress.  (<3 I LOVE YOU MOM *muah!* <3)  However, in the scheme of everything – that’s TERRIBLE.  I wonder, if the roles were reversed, if my Dad knows what our last conversation was?  I mean – I don’t remember… does he?

Moreover, what the show really made me think about (being the over-analyzer that I am) is the last words I have said to MANY of the people I care about – and do these people really know how I feel about them… how important they are to me?

Two recent – and very different – situations popped into my head:

ONE:  Two weeks ago, after a conversation in therapy, I stopped contacting people.  I somehow realized I had a huge problem with the fact that, outside of family, unless I reach out to people I simply don’t hear from anyone.  I never really get an unsolicited call to see what I’m doing or if I wanna hang out…. never really get a “how’s it going?” from anyone ‘just because’ – that is unless I start up some type of interaction and these things come up. I wanted to see, if I stopped reaching out, who would “care” enough to actually initiate a conversation with me.  This little experiment was met with mixed results – and that’s not even the point I want to make.  What really hit me tonight was, if something happened to me during this, I would have never spoken to these people again all because I had a problem always initiating conversation.  It’s pretty gahdamn petty in the whole scheme of things, and to be honest I’m glad I kinda got over it after only 4 days.

TWO:  Over the past couple of weeks, I have taken steps to repair two old (and formerly meaningful) relationships in my life.  I can handle a lot of things… I really can.  It takes a lot for me to really get pushed over the edge.  In these instances where the individuals were completely cut out of my life, I felt I was disrespected – both as a man and as a friend.  We all have a lot of mutual friends and, just like there was awkwardness when my ex-wife and I split and were in the same room, that same awkwardness amongst our friends probably existed in a similar situation.  I’m a little happier after watching the show that we’ve – for whatever reasons that made this process begin – decided to start getting everything out on the table to try to move past these issues and maybe, just maybe, something more than civility can come out of it. 

Seriously… I can’t believe a show with Doogie Howser is makin’ me think like this.  But, and I’m warning you all right now, I’m gonna start sharing a lot more because the feelings I’m having right now as I write this kinda suck.  I don’t want anyone that means ANYTHING to me to say something like:

“The last thing he said to me was… was… you know, I don’t know what it was.”

And hey – maybe, if you’re reading this, you can do that too!  Make sure the important people in your life know how you feel.  Doesn’t mean you’re goin’ anywhere… but it does mean you care 🙂

Me, immediately after my first Insanity workout.  I didn’t even look in a mirror… just finished, grabbed my camera and snapped a photo.

Hotness, I know…

59 more days!  LMAO.

So… when I started this whole adventure, I stated that my goal for the remainder of 2010 was to lose as much weight as possible (in a healthy way) and work on making sure my cardio is better than it was in July.  Mission accomplished for both… huge wins in my book – I seriously couldn’t be happier.  OK, I could be happier – I would have liked to end the year about 10 lbs lighter than I did, and my 5K times could have been a bit lower – but in the whole scheme of things I’m pleased with where I am.

I’ve said all along that beginning in January 2011 things were gonna change… and I’m gonna keep that promise to myself.  The other promise I have made is to keep you all updated on what I’m doing and how it is going – and that’s not gonna change either!  🙂  So, here are the changes I am going to be make starting TODAY to ensure I stay healthy and on-track for the Mudder in October:

Haircut – seriously… look at how much hair I have!  I could have the kind of fauxhawk that would stop the Jersey Shore boys in their tracks.  Gotta get on the horn to Fatz and get my butt over to Blaze-N-Cutz for a li’l shape-up/ style fo’ sho’… plus doing this will probably make me lose 10 lbs at least.  I’m debating on shaving it again… not bald (and not my crazy weekend mohawk either), just short again.  Not sure though, so feedback is welcome as always.

Insanity – Yeah, I said it… P90X is going on the shelf for now.  Today it’s all about starting the Insanity:

This workout honestly lives up to it’s name… and no, I am not going to be able to rip through this like Shaun T for the next 60 days.  It’s gonna be a process – a long, painful process – but I can tell you all that I’m gonna make it through 2 months.  (**NOTE**  I may even record one of my workouts so you guys can see what it’s like for a normal dude – and not an extra from ‘300’ – to try and get through this workout).  I’m honestly not looking forward to taking the ‘before’ pictures (it’s a horrific sight), but hopefully it will keep me motivated to work real hard to see the major results 60 days from now.  It’s gonna be hard as hell… and that’s what I need – I need to be pushed and, since I have no one to push me except myself, I’m gonna use the dude with the sickest abs on the planet to help.

And I’m gonna earn that mother f**kin’ T-shirt… Trust in that.

(** NOTE ** – if any of you guys wants to try the workout, hit me up.  Maybe we can do a day together, or you can come by when I’m gonna do it just to check it out… I also have a great contact who works with Team BeachBody that can get you P90X, Insanity, etc. so if it’s something you wanna do I can get you in touch with her!)

New Diet – I’m still gonna do Weight Watchers, but I’m just going to be A LOT stricter in what I am eating.  Weight Watchers gives you a lot of lee-way, which is great, but Insanity also comes with a diet regimen which I am going to begin to follow that requires a lot more discipline than I had these last few months.  No more cheat days… no more alcohol… no more processed foods… about 2,000 calories/ day.  One good thing – they encourage sushi/ sashimi… yaayyy!

Colonix – It’s baaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkkkk!  Don’t even tell me you guys didn’t miss me talkin’ about the ‘s**t lei’!  Yup, I ate a lotta crap over the holidays so I really need a nice ol’ cleanse to help me speed all the toxins outta my body.  If you don’t remember me talking about Dr. Natura/ Colonix, here’s the link that EVERYBODY loved that oh so eloquently describes it – with pictures!

Yoga – I need to get back to hot yoga… I’ve only done a few classes – which I really enjoyed (I had great motivation) – but there’s no question based on how many people gush over its advantages that I really need to give it the ol’ college try.  I actually bought a Groupon a few weeks back for the local Bikram studio by my house – now I just need to use it.  So… if you’re one of those ppl that also got the coupon, expect a call from me soon! 

So there it is… Phase Two in my quest to total health.  Any advice/ feedback (positive or negative) that you may have is ALWAYS appreciated.  If you’re reading this for the first time and want to know more about me, you can find me on Facebook HERE and Twitter HERE.  And please… if you think others might enjoy reading this – share it with them!  I love to talk to new people and get different perspectives on everything so feel free to pass it along!

And last but certainly not least… :)… THANK YOU!

The idea of setting New Years resolutions is pretty much an exercise in failure.  Think about it – if you could put a percentage on the number of resolutions you’ve followed through on in your life relative to the number you’ve set what do you think the number would be… 10%?  Probably less if you’re being honest.  But I’m not gonna harp on that… I’m here to capitalize on an opportunity.  🙂

See, I have people ask me all the time how I am doing what I am doing… how I stay motivated… how I stay on track.  Some people have actually BEEN motivated to make some changes on their own based on what I am doing (which is pretty cool to hear).  But what New Years Day brings me is the perfect platform… there are more people that “want” to change this time of year than any other time of year.  So, what I’m gonna do is give you a few little tips that can hopefully keep you on track and, maybe, help you keep that resolution until it’s achieved!

#1 – It’s not a resolution… – it’s now a GOAL.  Seriously, stop calling it a resolution.  Like I already said, it signifies failure.  All you’ve done is set a resolution, then fail at it by March – if you’re lucky.  I mean, can you honestly remember what your resolution was last year, 2 years ago or even further back?  Probably not!  So from here on out it’s a goal.

#2 – Plan – When you set any kind of goal, be it personal or professional, it’s no surprise that the ones you achieve have a gameplan associated with it.  One thing that so many people do with resolutions is just say ‘I wanna lose weight’, ‘I wanna get in shape’, ‘I wanna cut out junk food’… that’s all well and good, but HOW are you gonna do it?  This year, if you really want to make this happen… instead of just getting on the treadmill, leaving the pretzels in the pantry or starting the latest fad diet right when you wake up on January 1st, take the first week or two of the new year and RESEARCH.  You’re still working towards your ultimate goal of X, Y or Z… it’s all part of the process.  No one said that whatever you decide is going to be your ‘resolution’ has to start RIGHT AT 12:00a on January 1st.  You wanna quit smoking?  Start researching the techniques that will work best for you – gum, chiantix, cold turkey… find what’s gonna work best for you and then start that.  Same with diet… I did the cookie diet, South Beach, liquid diets, the cabbage diet… none worked.  I finally found what works – it’s a process, but if you do it right the whole time you are still working toward your goal, which is the whole point of this in the first place.

#3 – Invest – Guess what?  I’m talking about MONEY.  I’m not talking about your time, energy, etc.  Throw all that out the window for a minute.  You have NO idea how motivated you get to really give something a try until you invest a real amount of money into it.  Think about this – are you more likely to NOT go to the $19/ month gym w/ no initiation fee or the $75/ month gym w/ the $250 initiation fee?  It’s just common sense… when you invest in something, you become more invested in it.  After you gameplan and you decide what the best course of action is to take, invest some money into your goal.  It WILL make a world a difference. ‘But Gach, I don’t HAVE the money!’  Well, this is all part of the research as well as how dedicated you really are to achieve this goal.  Everyone spends money on a lot of crap… lunch every day out instead of bringing it w/ you from home, that skinny white chocolate mocha each morning.  I mean, if you give up that Starbucks, you’re gonna save about $60/ month (and I’m low-balling).  Is what you want worth that sacrifice?  That’s for you to decide.

#4 – Sacrifice – Sorry to say it but, if you want to reach your goal, there is a good chance you will have to sacrifice something (or somethings) in order to make it happen.  For me, I’ve had to invest more of my personal time in working out/ running as opposed to watching my DVR or going out and partying/ socializing.  As long as you’re accepting of that fact that this goal is now a priority in your life and not just something you’re trying to slide in to what you do everyday, you can effectively make this change.  When you plan out our day, week, etc. make your goal a necessity and not something to squeeze into open spots and you will notice the difference.

#5 – Share – No… you don’t have to start a blog or introduce yourself to people by telling everyone you wanna lose 140lbs; I need this because I’m alone.  In most cases, you will have a HUGE support system readily available to you in your general vicinity, so USE THEM!  Family, friends, co-workers… let them know what you are doing and you’ll be surprised with what you may learn from them!  I had a co-worker introduce me to P90X… I’ve had people from HS I haven’t seen in almost 20 years run with me, send me recipes, suggest friends to me that could help me out… my Mom told me about Weight Watchers (I had no idea she ever used it – she’s a petite li’l flower)… complete strangers reaching out to me because they saw my blog on the Mudder site or the WW site… one of my best friend’s convinced me that therapy would be a useful tool for someone like me.  Ask for help, share your success… I’m telling you – it works.

I know it’s not much.  But, if you’re serious about actually achieving the goal you are setting out to do… DO IT RIGHT.  Plan, Invest, Sacrifice, Share.

(And the collective “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh… ” comes out as you realize why I titled my blog what I did.  Full disclosure – I didn’t even realize the acronym was there until I bolded the letters after I finished typing this – and it was just too good of an opportunity to pass up)

Anyway, I hope this helps a little… and hey, if you need a little more motivation?  You know where to find me 🙂

Happy New Year – and PISS ON YOUR GOALS!