So let’s just lay it all out there… I’m a HOT MESS right now. I mean, straight up. As hot as hot can be. It has been a R O U G H few months for me. I just fell right off the wagon, back into some really terrible habits that have made me an extremely undesirable person*.
(* – and that’s to myself… can you imagine what people that are around me think?!?!)
I haven’t been eating right… not even close. I’ve been sneaking food any chance I get to help alleviate my stress levels. Sneaking = lying. And that shit is NO BUENO. You know you’ve hit bottom when you’re choosing to lie to people you love because hiding the fact you ate a pack of Swedish Fish is more important than just talking about what you did and why you did it. Lying = covering up. And if you’ve ever had to cover up a lie you know damn well how stressful that can be. Stress = Eating. When I get stressed out, I am immediately comforted by something salty, something sweet and something carbonated. At the same time. Eaten within a half hour or so.
Yeah… so now do you see that cycle that happens with me? I’m literally powerless over food at times, and that is a VERY scary thought.
Now, my wife is a f**kin’ trooper… seriously. She probably should have given up on me a long time ago. But instead of giving up, she’s done everything in her power to get me refocused. It hasn’t worked 100% yet – I’ll get re-motivated, drop a ‘1st run in a long time!’ post on FB, then plop back on the couch for 2 weeks and do the same damn thing again. She sees in me what I am struggling to see in myself. What I used to have about a year and a half ago when I was posting 1-2 times/ week. She sees the potential to truly succeed at SOMETHING if I just believe I can do it.
But that’s a hard thing to do when I constantly see the failures I’ve had. My weights up and down like Freefall at Great Adventure. My mojo to workout comes and goes like the sun. My weight training, to me, is embarrassing to say the least. My runs? Man, my runs… they ain’t like they used to be. It is extremely difficult to get started up again… after starting up again 3 or 4 times already now. It make me feel like I CAN’T do it, even though the better half knows I CAN.
That’s when this popped up on my FB page:
Ironically enough… this was a post from my wife’s professional FB page where she posts daily motivation for her followers. She wasn’t directly saying it to me but it’s a message that, for some reason, I heard loud and clear. I spent all day wondering what my next great thing would be – a race? weight training? Something bigger? Something smaller? I don’t know yet. But what I do know that is that my mind starting working forward instead of in reverse. I finally started thinking about what I want to accomplish today, tomorrow, in a month, in the next year… I was looking ahead. AND IT FELT GREAT.
One of the things I realized I need to do more of… AGAIN… really shouldn’t come as much of a surprise:
(Here’s a hint – you’re reading it right now.)
I used to tell people all the time – JUST SHOW UP. At the time I was referring to races, workouts, etc. Well, it’s time that I start showing up for life in general. Because when I do that, I know that I’ll be able to, more and more, find the Next Right Thing.
Thanks for reading, everyone… I really do appreciate your time. :)
(PS – give my wife’s professional page a like by clicking HERE – She’ll give you the warm fuzzies on a daily basis – it’s time you gave yourself some good things to look at on your Newsfeed instead of some of the crap you have to see!)